Why Friendship is Served Cold

“I remembered the fox. One runs the risk of crying a bit if one allows oneself to be tamed.”
― Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

People regularly talk about the importance of first love, but often underestimate the value of first, and long-lasting friendship. Nevertheless, it is still affecting our daily lives a great deal. Even if one’s family life is already “happily ever after”, you still need somebody close, to discuss your dreams, problems and ambitions. A soul to talk to, a pillow to cry on, and so on…


Have you ever noticed that the older you get the more relaxed and superficial your relationship with friends becomes? With time we start perceiving people differently. We become more detached, more formal… In childhood you used to make pillow fights, bite each other, and sleep under the same blanket. You would cuddle, laugh like crazy over a silly joke, and speak your heart out because your parents didn’t understand you. Now it is limited to a brief handshake, a few kisses in the air, occasional coffee,and a night out were everybody blacks out into his own alternative universe…

Our relationship evolves not only with people we already know for a long time, but also with the “newcomers”. While most of us are generally excited  about making new contacts, it rarely goes deeper than what is visible on the surface. It is more of a “little coffee meet-ups” kinda style, not  “pillow fight” kinda style. Why does it happen? Is it just because we grow older?

Friendship is not very different from love. It is based on trust, and pure feelings. When you’re young your heart is still open to everyone. You can never be more genuine, and caring. But, as the time goes by we learn how to lose. Friends go to live to another country, marry, make careers, or, what is even worse, betray. Losing a friend is very painful. So, you have to adapt. Instinctively we grow a thick skin, which involves being more protecting, and less trusting. What happens next? We start building a glass wall between each other.

When you don’t own, you have nothing to lose. When you have no emotional investments  nobody will break your heart. However, without all of these our lives would become incredibly boring and empty.

What can we do about it? How can one restore faith in people – break the glass wall, and become loving and caring and sincere again, not only with old friends, but also with new people that might appear on the horizon. This question I would like to ask to you guys. Do you believe that there is a cure for this?



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6 Responses to “Why Friendship is Served Cold”
  1. I really enjoyed reading your post. I understood every feeling you discussed. After recently moving to another country I had come to the conclusion that friendships that are forced are never going to be like the friendships I have back home. These friendships had just grown with time and I truly felt I would not find that again. But like you discussed, maybe it is partly me being withdrawn.

  2. TomRymer says:

    Friendship either arises from acqauintance or it doesn’t; persuing, or hoping, for it is as bad an idea as looking for a ‘partner’. Give without desiring anything in return, let down the guard experience has made and stop analysing unless you’re getting paid for it or writing a novel!
    My father used to tell me I had no friends only acquaintances, I resisted the temptation to tell him to speak for himself……

  3. Friendship is born out of need, honest and open need. I needed God but didn’t know it until I becamae numb nearly drowning in despair. Then Messiah showed himself to me with a hand held out to my heart. Savior? Salvation? Lord? Most intimate friend!

  4. vilks12 says:

    Love your articles ! You are so romantic ! 🙂

  5. Nelly M says:

    This is very true and I would love to find a cure. Also because I’m not that old, I’m 25, I feel like the glasses just started forming… For the moment, the things I noticed to be influential in this are the way we speak (more or less inclusive), our will and ability to understand, and the relationship we have with ours and others’ bodies. Maybe just letting down guards and being less serious would help 🙂

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