Shame and Fear of Drunken Texts

To send or not to send?

I’m fairly confident in saying there aren’t many people who are yet to wake to the feeling of shame, regret and disappointment as a result of their drunken fun times the night before. I’m saying we’ve all been there… because I’m a walking example. Most of us are..

So, there is a boy… You go on a few dates but it soon becomes very apparent you have nothing to say to one another. Nada. Not a thing after the usual ‘How are you?’ and ‘Busy week at work?’ questions. Another morning you are laying in bed together, and you fake being asleep for an hour and a half to avoid the inevitable, awkward and very forced small talk. You feel you have to make it less hideous and uncomfortable for both of you, and use this time to think of conversation topics but end up blank. So, there’s nothing for you to do, but to pretend to be sleeping before it actually approaches 2 pm, and you’ve already passed the point of looking like the laziest layabout in London. Then you get up and have no intention of seeing him again ever after. You promise yourself all communication is to be ceased.

And it is. For a short while. Until you have a few drinks down the hatch, resulting in all the rules and every ounce of self-respect going straight out the window. Nobody could be blamed for a sudden craving for love and affection in the depressing cold of our “misty Albion”. In these kind of circumstances, pretty much anyone would do. Suddenly, you find yourself thinking about his positives. Yes, he is boring, but somewhat reliable, and a fine-looking chap who tans beautifully (the reason you looked at him on the first place). So, why not?

The vodka keeps coming and the music keeps playing and the phone appears to have a life of his own. There comes out what you least wanted – a shameful text, a text you hope your friends won’t see because they’ll try to talk you out of it. You struggle to find the right words, because “Sex. Mine. 20 minutes.” won’t do. Even though that’s exactly what you mean… Even though, in this sort of situations there’s no need to beat about any kind of bush… While composing this calibre of text, there is a battle between your mind and your… Why does it happen that 1am you and 11am the following day you are very, very different people? 11am you has shame and self-respect whereas 1am you is a happy, randy, drunken mess? While this debating war is raging in your head,  your thumb hovers over the send button for what usually lasts one and a half drinks. Every time you’re a part of a similar scenario, you are wondering if it’s is a good idea and will it ever be a good idea? How will you feel the next morning? More importantly how will you get rid of him the next day without your housemates seeing? Doesn’t matter anymore, because a cruel phone has just sent it itself.

Time is ticking away, and thank Christ he texts back. The only thing that is much worse than sending a drunken text is getting no reply to a drunken text. The humiliation of living with that is much more severe than waking up with regrets. At least, that’s what you think… As a matter of fact, it turns to be quite the opposite. At the end of the day, waking up with the “last night’s regret” next to you and remembering the crude, brash messages you sent him is actually more shameful. OH GOD! At this point you’re very violently hit with the worst case of fear you’ve ever had, and the only way to get through this is to avoid eye contact, hope he doesn’t remember anything from last night and that he NEVER EVER looks back on his old messages. Or tells your mum… Sounds familiar?

Written by Sarah Connoly

drunken texts

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